Offense Reveals Narratives

Have you ever been offended? And did that offense result from a seemingly simple exchange?

Narratives are relative – they are different for each person. Awareness can help us unpack the narratives, ultimately improving communication with those we love. And, bring some sanity to our sometimes hurtful and chaotic thought-life.

Me: (Standing at the copy machine, printing some papers)
Friend: (In a kind voice) “Are you ok? You seem stressed?” 

I was upset. Really upset. The question felt similar to when people say, “Are you tired? You look tired?” when you’re not really tired.  

I told her I was fine, but throughout the morning, I asked myself, “why are you so upset?” 

Here’s the narrative that played in my mind:

She thinks I’m stressed, but I don’t feel stressed = my facial expressions or body language must communicate stress = I don’t have it together = I thought I was putting on a good facade that I’m ok = Being stressed is bad because it means I can’t handle = I can’t control myself = I’m out of control

I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to feel out of control. 

I went back to my friend. I told her what that phrase actually communicated in my head and spirit. I cried, we hugged, she prayed for me.

Awareness allows us to start the process of healing.

When have you been offended recently? Ask yourself why.